respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
