There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
