This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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