I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
