i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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