he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
