He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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