He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
