You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Floor bacon is actually really good
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
