I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
