I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
