New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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