im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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