you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
