Will you blow on my dice?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
