tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
