i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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