So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
