Acid is not a monday night drug
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
