my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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