Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
