i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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