ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
