i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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