omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
