the condom got lost in my hair
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
