You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
