He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
