But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
