I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
