Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
