im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
