Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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