yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
