Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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