I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
