You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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