you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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