Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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