don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
