If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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