Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
