He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
4 words: hood of his car
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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