am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
