That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
