Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
