I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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