So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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