And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
