Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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