I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
People in love make me want to vomit
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
