Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
